Wednesday, February 02, 2005

Why Is It That Every City In the Middle East is Holy?

Is anyone else beyond tired of hearing the MSM categorize every city in the middle east as "The Holy City of . . ." Seriously, it's ridiculous. Besides, every time we try to bomb one of these cities (the ones with festering cesspools of insurgents anyways) all we get are religious groups complaining and whining about how it's an affront to this God or another. I'm tired of it. So, Otter and I ("The Management") have come across a wonderful little solution. Here's how it came about:

I was sitting in the study reading about the historical significance of . . . O.K., O.K. I was watching cartoons in the study, erm . . . uhh . . . the room with all the couches, and I happened to lament that no one actually drops anvils on anyone these days. Given that we have a perfectly good war (insurgency - whatever you want to call it) going on, I figured this would be the perfect venue for the resurgence of the anvil drop. I then looked over at Otter and suggested, "Hey, why don't we drop anvils on the Iraqi insurgents?"

His reply was, "Can't do it. Holy cities you know."

"Damn these Cities and their infernal holiness." I replied and immediately went to work on finding new venues for dropping anvils. Failing, I said, "If a man can't drop anvils on perfectly good targets, what has this world come to?" Still raging, I next asked the pertinent question, "What in tarnation, can you drop on these people? How is it that they live on life's game of tag's perpetual base." I was about to continue to damn all sorts of people to all sorts of places, when Otter calmly looked over at me and says, "I know what we can drop on them."

"What's that then?"



So that settles it, the next time there is an uprising in the Holy City of Najaf, or Mosul or, heck, Tehran. We know what to do - we'll just drop a Mosque on them. It's way more effective than a "smart" bomb.

The best part is, it works for all religions if you think hard enough.

"What about Atheists?" you ask (you smart ass you) -- Well, here's your answer - Anvils, Bitches, Anvils.

Kid Handsome


Blogger Sami Hashem said...

So, what size would these Mosques be? Are they miniaturized or are they the full size? Remember that there are also plenty christians there. Are you going to drop churches on them? By the the way. The US is the only country calling them insurgents. The rest of the world calls them resistance fighters. Insurgents indicates "imported units". The resistance fighters are actaully higher ranking political members of Sadaam's Ba'th political party. They took out tons of funds from the banks, and large amounts of weapons from storage facilities "which the US was well aware of, but failed to secure them.

5:19 PM  
Blogger The Management said...

I thought I made it pretty clear that my theory worked for all religions, so yes, I would drop Churches on christians. Especially if these Christians were hiding out in the churches and stockpiling weapons.

Also, the "insurgents" comment implies that you can call them whatever you want - if that's "freedom fighters," so be it. Still, I would add that the bigwig of the "freedom fighter" movement - Zarqawi - is a Jordanian who expressly allied himself with Al Quaeda and has made comments to the effect that democratic freedoms are evil.

Kid Handsome

7:59 PM  
Blogger StinkyPhil_Prospector said...

Well, looky here. There is an article about anvils albeit not one with anvils in the title. Who knew? Awesome, very funny. I like it. Go fuck yourselves.

1:54 AM  

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