Friday, March 18, 2005

Your face is busted . . . (x3)

Seriously, discuss amongst yourselves, the following three ugly women are universally pitched to me as "hot." I'm sure there are plenty more, and I would include guys, but I'm not qualified to comment on them - you know, being handsome and all.

1. Renee Zellweger - if her eyes got any smaller and more beady, she'd be a rat. In fact, her cheeks already appear to be no more than food storage pouches. I swear, if I see her, I'll punch her (but that's really an entirely different topic).

2. Sarah Jessica Parker - Am I wrong that her head is so disproportionately large that she could star, without any makeup or prosthetic, in a live action Peanuts movie? Seriously, not a good-looking human being. Also, I don't want to hear about her contribution to fashion. "Fashion" is a scam ladies. Listen, your clothes are only as good looking as you are. Get out of the mall (unless your gym is located there).

3. Nicole Richie - do I really have to comment. She looks kind of like a mix between a frog, a shar-pei, and something else that's bone chillingly ugly.

Kid Handsome


Blogger bob_vinyl said...

Everytime I see Renee Zellweger now, all I can think about is her beady eyes. You nailed SJP too. It's one of those things I think I always knew but could never articulate.

10:45 PM  
Blogger Badger said...

A fourth to add to that list: Julia Roberts. Her mouth opens up way too much, no one should show that much gum line and teeth. Also, the more then passing resemblance to her brother Eric, absolutely hideous. Throw in an annoying laugh that can wake the dead and the tag line of "America's Sweetheart". Why can't there be an "accident" on the set?

2:55 PM  

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