Thursday, May 05, 2005

Men and Dancing

So I was out the other night at a couple of bars in Baltimore - this was during the time of my slow descent towards my ultimate demise.

Anyway, at one of these establishments, there was more than a little bit of dancing (I'm being generous). I don't dance. I have rhythym and all the necessary requirements for dancing, but I think it's unbecoming. Men shouldn't dance. They look silly. Unfortunately, women always pick out the non-dancers and try to encourage us to dance. The pressure is especially great after several drinks are consumed. In my case 6 Miller lights and two shots (on an unrelated note, I love drinking Miller light because you can drink so much of it with almost no effect - I bet Otter could drink a case and only barely feel it).

So these very pretty girls (who are part of our group) approach and then start to dance in front of my and my friend. More, it is with the stated rationale of making us dance. This puts me in an awkward position. I quickly run through my 25 or so excuses for not dancing, and then am still left to face the pressure of dancing and looking like all the other idiots out there. Look, I just don't dance. I don't enjoy it. I'm not concerned about looking like a fool (even thought that is a clear result). It just isn't fun - unless you are doing it to make sport of it.

Women apparently want a man who will dance - apparently women don't think they look like they are in the midst of a gran mal seizure. Why is that? It annoys the hell out of me. Women can be objectively bad dancers, but I still enjoy watching them move. Maybe they have the same principle (thought even women I know readily admit that women are just more graceful creatures).

What I want to know is how to get out of these situations gracefully.

Kid H.


Blogger Rev. Brandy said...


As a woman, I feel like I can only offer this insight. Take it for what it's worth: I think men, for the most part, should figure out one move that they can do on a dance floor that will incur the least amount of attention and/or cause a minimal amount of humiliation. The reason is that if men learned how to dance well enough to be comfortable doing it, they would get laid so much more, it's almost ridiculous. Think about it. Dancing is just an excuse to shake things that otherwise don't get shook, touch people in a way you don't otherwise touch them, and be suggestive toward people even a great deal of liquor might not embolden you to flirt with. It's primal. It's little more than a mating call. The men who know this are the ones who do dance, and not too badly, because they've patented their one or two simple moves that make them look less like a limb-flailing freak. And they execute those one or two moves with a degree of abandon and a lack of self-consciousness.

There is nothing more alluring than a man who is unafraid to dance.

If this is just too overwhelmingly frightening to consider, then to save yourself, I suggest turning back to the bar and ordering another beer. Nothing repels a dance-temptress more than the back of the guy she was enticing to cut the rug.

But, I suspect you could find a nice little rerun of "Dance Fever" and practice a Deney Terrio move, after which you'd be all set, brother. No more dance-phobia.

2:54 PM  
Anonymous sonsica said...

Hi, I just came across your journal today. For what it's worth, I have to say essentially the same as the last poster - just do it. And if you can't just suck it up and get out there and make your moves, then do it for the reasons Rev. Brandy mentioned.

It would help, if, while you're dancing, you try not to concentrate on how much you hate dancing, and instead concentrate on having fun moving around with the girl dancing in front of you. If you've got rhythm, you're way (way, way) ahead of the game, and you ought to be comfortable moving to the music.

As a woman and a dancer, I agree - a man who is comfortable enough to dance, has rhythm, and has no fear of being on the dance floor jumps to the top of the list in my book.

I suspect your dislike, despite your protestations to the contrary, actually does have a lot to do with feeling like a fool while you're on the dance floor. So it would be worthwhile to pick out some moves that you feel comfortable doing.

The most graceful way to deal with the situation is to get up and shake your booty. And smile about it.

If you really insist on being too uptight to dance, I suspect you'll have to come to terms with constantly being in the uncomfortable situation that results from declining the offer.

3:59 PM  
Blogger The Management said...

I just have to point out that you ladies (and thank you for commenting) are suggesting that I not be true to myself, and that I effectively create a false persona just to impress the ladies. (I'm just kidding, that's excellent advice - though I won't follow it). Being handsome will just have to be enough to get me by.

Kid H

12:33 AM  

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