Thoughts, comments, and other criticisms.
I’ve been thinking of posting this here for over a week or so. Only just decided a few minutes ago to finally do it. The link above goes to the first chapter of something I have been working on and off of for quite some time. Recently, I haven’t been all that motivated to do anything with it. I figured some fresh criticism might spur my motivation on.
If you take a look at it, let me ‘xplain some things first. It was a short story that kind of grew. I pretty much have the whole plot mapped out and just need to write it. What you have in front of you is one of 4 complete chapters I have written (there are also 3 more that are in various stages of completeness). This thing is silly. Some parts are more serious than others (not really evident in this chapter), but it’s still kind of silly. Laugh if you can. The style may be weird, but it's how I write. Lastly, the whole thing isn’t written from Tim’s perspective (about 1/2 the chaptes will be).
Here’s a sample:
Somehow, could that mixture of single malt and 70’s cult rock have transformed me into the monster that I had become? Had I accidentally unlocked some ancient rite encoded into soothing sounds of Achilles Last Stand or Piper at the Gates of Dawn? Was that strip of beef jerky I ate the last component of some pagan ritual designed to turn me into a MAN/GOD? Or maybe, I was just a freak. What would people think of me?
Like I said... kind of silly.
If you could real criticism would be more appreciated than “it sucks”… which it very well may. You guys are the first to ever look at this.
Otter
posted by The Management at 5:01 PM
9 Comments:
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
I removed the post because it was annoying and predictable. Go make juvenile comments on your own blog.
KH
He Skis down the river with a pocket full of change.
--ASK
Ever read Mark Leyner? Tooth Imprints on a Corndog?
THIS reminds me of him. And I laugh and laugh and laugh at his stuff. It's wacky - and fun. I do like it.
I say, let er rip!
Very interesting, it's Otter as a demon. Only criticism I can offer is to double check the past, present and future tenses, sometimes you have more than one in a sentence so it's a bit disjointed in reading.
Badger - you do know what we're dealing with here, right? We are lucky that the spelling is correct and that he even USED punctuation.
Tenses - Please.
Hey, its Colleen... or perhaps I should also pick a small woodland creature name? "Badger" told me to take a look at this. I like it, Otter... the fact that I chuckled aloud at a few spots was pretty telling. Keep going! I can be more specific when I see you next...
--Groundhog
Errr.. thanks everyone...
Yeah the tenses are fucked up... As we all know I can't write as is.. But it was weird writing this, how do I express present tense thoughts as described as a past event.
I'll work on it.
Thanks again!
Ohh yeah.. Tim ain't me... If I post some more chapters, you will see the character I think of as sort of me...
Woodland Creature Number 2 - Otter
As usual you never cease to boggle my mind. Great job. I don't know shit about tense or writting or spelling. But it made me laugh. Don't stop a rockin'.
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