Monday, July 31, 2006

Government in Your Bathroom

I remember a discussion not too long ago on Scaggsville about how the federal government actually regulates the flow of shower heads so that the maximum rate that water can spew out is 2.5 gallons per minute. To the lay person, that sure sounds like a ton of water, until of course, you go to Home Depot to buy a replacement shower head only to find out that your water pressure is far less than your old model, like I did.

Man I was pissed. I mean I just dumped $30 on a nice Delta faucet (Victorian Series), threw some Teflon tape on the threads, and screwed it on tight fully expecting this faucet to have the strength to knock out walls. Instead, only 3 out of the 5 "spray" functions worked because the damn thing was so stingy on the water. Then I remembered Scaggsville...an article back in the day that explained how you could...how should I put it - "enlighten" your shower head so the Gods of water will rain down on you like the chaos and disorder that you deserve.

After some searching, I found this random page (linked above). Not sure if this was featured on Scaggsville, but nevertheless helpful. I ripped that faucet off the wall, dug into its innards until I found a plastic "restrictor" behind the wire mesh that keeps all that nice stuff from clogging your shower head. The bastards at Delta actually found a way to blend plastic into metal because as much as I tried, I couldn't pull this "restrictor" out...so...enter plan B. Plan B involved the use of a hammer and a flat-head screwdriver nicely placed square in the center of this "restrictor." All it took was one shot by this hammer and BAM we have flow. Full flow. Flow that the government doesn't want you to have.

Saturday, July 29, 2006


Never would have seen this coming.. I mean.. It's the religion of peace right?


Wednesday, July 26, 2006

What Not to Do When You're Drunk

Take note Otter...hide your cell phone.

Friday, July 21, 2006

Baby Burrito

The Super-Size me nanny statists aren't getting this Mexican food establishment to cut down on its portion sizes. Anyway, if you have a man-sized appetite, go to Seattle.

"Post-Intelligencer photographer Joshua Trujillo put the claim to the test, setting one of the double-tortilla-wrapped Grandes ($7.50 with your choice of meat) next to an 11-week-old baby. You can see the result for yourself."
Kid Handsome

Inventor of Philly Cheesesteak Dies

Bringing you this news before the PCSB gets a hold of it.

Kid H.

Best Obituary Ever

It's from the Richmond Times Dispatch (linked above). I'm just going to cut & paste it here, because I don't know how long they'll keep it up.
Frederic Arthur (Fred) Clark, who had tired of reading obituaries noting other's courageous battles with this or that disease, wanted it known that he lost his battle as a result of an automobile accident on June 18, 2006. True to Fred's personal style, his final hours were spent joking with medical personnel while he whimpered, cussed, begged for narcotics and bargained with God to look over his wife and kids. He loved his family. His heart beat faster when his wife of 37 years Alice Rennie Clark entered the room and saddened a little when she left. His legacy was the good works performed by his sons, Frederic Arthur Clark III and Andrew Douglas Clark MD, PhD., along with Andy's wife, Sara Morgan Clark. Fred's back straightened and chest puffed out when he heard the Star Spangled Banner and his eyes teared when he heard Amazing Grace. He wouldn't abide self important tight *censored*. Always an interested observer of politics, particularly what the process does to its participants, he was amused by politician's outrage when we lie to them and amazed at what the voters would tolerate. His final wishes were "throw the bums out and don't elect lawyers" (though it seems to make little difference). During his life he excelled at mediocrity. He loved to hear and tell jokes, especially short ones due to his limited attention span. He had a life long love affair with bacon, butter, cigars and bourbon. You always knew what Fred was thinking much to the dismay of his friend and family. His sons said of Fred, "he was often wrong, but never in doubt". When his family was asked what they remembered about Fred, they fondly recalled how Fred never peed in the shower - on purpose. He died at MCV Hospital and sadly was deprived of his final wish which was to be run over by a beer truck on the way to the liquor store to buy booze for a double date to include his wife, Rush Limbaugh and Ann Coulter to crash an ACLU cocktail party. In lieu of flowers, Fred asks that you make a sizable purchase at your local ABC store or Virginia winery (please, nothing French - the *censored*) and get rip roaring drunk at home with someone you love or hope to make love to. Word of caution though, don't go out in public to drink because of the alcohol related laws our elected officials have passed due to their inexplicable terror at the sight of a MADD lobbyist and overwhelming compulsion to meddle in our lives. No funeral or service is planned. However, a party will be held to celebrate Fred's life. It will be held in Midlothian, Va. Email fredsmemory@yahoo.com for more information. Fred's ashes will be fired from his favorite cannon at a private party on the Great Wicomico River where he had a home for 25 years. Additionally, all of Fred's friend (sic) will be asked to gather in a phone booth, to be designated in the future, to have a drink and wonder, "Fred who?"
Published in the Richmond Times-Dispatch on 7/9/2006.
That's just cool.

Kid Handsome

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Question / Poll for Readers? Least favorite "great" bands

What is the "Great" band or artist that you don't like despite all the accolades and acclaim that band or artist receives?

For me (in no particular order - except Springsteen):

1. Bruce Springsteen - just awful all the way around (and it goes without saying that I hate his fans).

2. REM - Don't really hate them, I just can't get into them.

3. Beestie Boys - I like a couple of their songs, but overall I could do without them, and I really hate "Brass Monkey."

4. Aerosmith - Again, a couple songs are great - the rest (esp. recent) is the suck.

5. Neil Young - Has 6 to 10 great songs, but I don't dig his voice and his politics annoy me.

Kid Handsome

The 50 Greatest Movie Rivalries of All Time

Just some light entertainment (by the way #22 should be in the top 10 - easy).

The most handsome poster on this little blog (and the most humble - unlike Otter who spends all his time in front of the mirror when he's working out)


Straigt Up stole this from the Onion.


Stock in this firearms manufacturer fell sharply after it was discovered that the company's previously announced "cure" for the Avian Flu was nothing more than the model 1100 Classic Trap Shotgun.


Md Legislature Out of Touch

Several months ago, the Maryland legislature passed a bill that would require large companies employing 10,000 or more people to contribute 8% of their payroll to pay for employee health care costs OR pay a hefty tax to the State of Maryland. This bill unfairly singled Wal-Mart out in the state since it was the only company to fit this criteria.

Fortunately, Ronald Reagan - the man, the myth, the legend, came out to set Maryland straight. A federal judge in Baltimore, who Reagan appointed back in 1985 struck down the Maryland bill "saying federal rules don't allow states to spell out how companies allocate benefits."

That's what I've been saying from the beginning, and I'm glad to see that with exception to Ehrlich, who vetoed this piece of shit legislation, that the rest of the Maryland State Legislature was just proven to be out of touch not only with the businesses in the State of Maryland, but will federal laws that have been on the books for over 31 years.

Monday, July 17, 2006

How is this news?

OOOoooooo....the Associated Press caught President Bush using the "s" word and wrote a whole article about it. Best part is that this article is picked up and showcased by all the major media outlets like it's real news. Stay tuned...we have breaking news VP Dick Cheney just trimmed his toe nails.

Friday, July 14, 2006

The Gang and the Government they're no different . . .

Property seizure laws are really bad for our civil liberties. It's even worse when the department comes under investigation for corruption.

This supports my suggested constitutional amendment which would prohibit the government from profiting from law enforcement.

Kid H.

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Email in 1995

Anyone who had a Compuserve or Prodigy account at least one time in their life will find this Onion piece absolutely hilarious.



There's less than 1,000 of them but:

Have been accused of spousal abuse

Have been arrested for fraud

Have been accused of writing bad checks

Have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses

Have done time for assault

Cannot get a credit card due to bad credit

Have been arrested on drug-related charges

Have been arrested for shoplifting

Currently Are defendants in lawsuits, and

Have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year

Can You guess which organization this is?

Give Up yet?


It's the 535 members of the United States Congress. The same group of idiots that crank out hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep the rest of us in line.


Note: Snopes says the above is unverifiable

Kid Handsome - Post Stolen from Wicked Thoughts

Free Booze is Bad Booze in Utah

Here's a cautionary tale about giving things away. Just in case anyone ever questioned my stance, I think we have way too much government.

A brave patriot in Utah is facing trial by jury just because he had the courage to give away beer and wine at an outdoor concert.

"There's nothing like wasting taxpayer money on morality issues," says Randy Barton, whose nonprofit Mountain Town Stages hosts free summer concerts in Utah's Summit County every year.

Link via Hit & Run

Kid H.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

"Bourbon and Burn" Made the DHS List

More on the bitching and moaning from states who feel they didn't get their fair share of the Homeland Security magic chest of loot. The Associated Press reports that Homeland's Terror Target database thinks that an ant farm...correction...an "insect zoo" may very well be the next target for terrorist activity. Also featured in this database is a "bean fest." Well I guess a terrorist could wait until the opportune moment to light a match...

And finally, don't want to alarm any loyal "Bourbon and Burn" fans out in Scaggsville, but DHS thinks you may be a target for terrorists as well. Check out this excerpt from the article:

"Instead, the department's database of vulnerable critical infrastructure and key resources included an insect zoo, a bourbon festival, a bean fest and a kangaroo conservation center. They represent examples of key assets identified in Florida, Illinois, Indiana, and Maryland."

Yikes. We always knew the black helicopters and unmarked vans were always on the lookout for Otter, but this is a tad too close for comfort ;)

Mighty Mice

American Airlines thinks it just fine to fly airplanes with mouse infestations. After a maintenance worker blew the whistle on 25+ mouse sightings on one plane, the plane was finally grounded. But still no word if the mouse problem has been resolved. Watch that cheese when you fly American.

BTW - Make sure you check out the hidden video that someone shot of this plane after you've eaten lunch.

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

A "Hate" Crime? They're Serious

Hate crimes are a stupid concept in any event. (If someone hits me with a brick, I couldn't care less if they're calling me "whitey" at the time).

But check out this "hate" crime. The prosecutor should be fired - because he or she is and idiot and a jerk.

SOUTHBOROUGH -- Two of the three Southborough teens who allegedly smashed up the Police Department's radar board this weekend are being charged with a hate crime, according to police.
About 1 a.m. Saturday, three 16-year-olds -- two boys and a girl -- went on a vandalism spree on Richards Road, according to police.
The boys took an ax to the $13,000 solar-powered radar board, which displays passing motorists' speeds, Police Chief William Webber said yesterday. The two are facing charges of malicious destruction of property over $250 and a hate crime, Webber said.
The hate crime charge stems from writing on the ax that the teens used to destroy the radar board, he said.
"The ax had some writing on it, directing it at certain people," the chief said. The writing was "of a racial and gender (specific) nature," he said.
Sooooo, they just smashed up a radar machine, which To The People's Baylen Linniken hilariously comments - "Regardless, I'm more interested in how small-town cops can justify spending $13,000 on a machine that exists only to re-iterate to drivers pretty much what their own speedometers are telling them anyway." (Also, I stole this link from them).

That's a misapplication of hate crime laws anyway. Wait, unless the radar machine was illegally only telling African American drivers that they weren't speeding. Damn profiling radar machines.

Kid Handsome

Higher Speeds Don't = Less Safety

Wow, as I have long suspected, raising speed limits doesn't actually increase the likelihood that you'll . . . you know . . . DIE.
We are often told, by nanny-state advocates, that such public goods as safety require a loss of liberty. In the case of speed limits and traffic deaths, that just isn't so.
As Instapundit notes (linked article above) - "Indeed."

Kid Handsome

More About Not Videotaping Police

Why did we bother fighting the Nazis?

ALBUQUERQUE -- Undercover officers with the New Mexico Department of Public Safety that were out Saturday night trying to bust drunks leaving bars arrested three men for videotaping them.

The three men showed up in court Sunday morning with an attorney to fight the felony charges they are facing. Jacob Traub owns the Downtown Distillery, David Garcia and Lance Gomez both work for him.

One criminal complaint says an officer asked one of the men to stop videotaping for security reasons since he was working undercover. The complaint also says the man told the officer they were harassing the customers in the bar.

The men’s attorney Paul Kennedy told KRQE News 13 that they were videotaping on a public street and there is nothing illegal with what they did.

“Every citizen has a first amendment right to videotape public officers in the performance of their duties on public property and that's all that was going on here,” said Kennedy.

Deputy Director of the Special Investigation Division Jim Plagens spoke with KRQE News 13 regarding the arrest.

“These three individuals were arrested for obstruction of the administration of the liquor control act. To comment any farther at this point, I think would be inappropriate,” said Plagens

Kennedy plans on filing an injunction in state court and a civil rights lawsuit.

All the men are charged with obstruction of the administration of the liquor control act. They are out on bond and allowed to go back to work.

Seriously, "If you don't have anything to hide . . . . . . . . "

What's wrong with you people?

Kid H.

Link Stolen from Instapundit

Crack Down on Bad Words in the UK

If you were just going to turn your nation into something like the article linked above, why even bother fighting the Nazis?

Kid Handsome


Saturday, there was a Market Pro Computer Show and Sale at the Maryland State Fair Grounds. I went to it.

I hadn’t been to one of those things in years. In the past, while growing up, it was Nerd Mecca (insert terrorist joke). A place to meet all your BBS “friends.” Over and under weight throngs pressed into thin corridors squeezing past each other in an attempt to look at the latest hardware, desperately trying to understand the thick accents of those pushing their wares. Teens and old men arguing over why micro channel bus is dead or whether it was worth it to spring for that 28.8 modem (but it has dual HST!).

Saturday’s show was but a shadow of it past splender. The nerds gained or lost weight in the right directions. The merchants spoke better English. The tables lined with hardware were replaced with tables lined with junk, cds, and porn. There were even some girls there.

I came for a case and power supply. I get most of my stuff online but a case is something you should pick up and feel. Plus shipping on those things is a rip off.

My brother’s computer was in several parts around my house. It was dropped off about a year ago - ‘cause it didn’t work. The power button was mangled, the power supply was dead and there was a short somewhere so that the motherboard only posted while it was on my floor – nothing attached - power pins shorted with a screwdriver. For his birthday, his girlfriend just bought him a new video card (good girlfriend). It was time to fix his computer.

Mean while my box, which was aging, recently started blue screening. I swapped out the Power supply and ram and it worked MOST of the time. Some new apps were barely running on the old AMD XP2000. Still it was a good workhorse. Did what I needed it to do. No I couldn’t play any of the cool games. But I didn’t care. I browse the web, use Photoshop, Dreamweaver, and Fruity Studio. My box could handle this.

But… I wanted more.

I wasn’t going to buy anything. Just look. After all I didn’t need it, and I was saving up for other - more important things.

In the back of my mind though, I had the itch. I had researched everything. I do it every couple of weeks. Been doing it for years. What hardware is best, who makes the fastest card? I’ve day dreamed, but I wasn’t going to buy anything.

I found a decent case pretty quickly. I wanted to wander, so I left it be. Didn’t wanna carry the big thing around. The crinkle of anti-static bags drew me on. Only two people were selling the chip I wanted, but didn’t have the MB I wanted. Sure I could have got them seperatly, but for some reason that was a deal breaker for me. I was safe.

Then I heard this voice. Thick accent, Eastern European. “Dat is very nice motherboard you are luking at.” I know, that’s why I was looking at it I thought to my self.

“It’s a shame you don’t have the CPU I want” I replied.

“Vhat is it you need, I get it for you!”

I’ll be damned if he didn’t.

So I sprung for it. I got an AMD64 4400 Dual Core (total of 2 megs of L2 cache), with two one gig sticks of pc4000DDR ram, an ASUS AV8-MVP crossfire ready MB and … I kind of regret this…it cost a lot… a Radeon X1900XTX video card (plus a new case, PS, and HD). What’s one pay check.

For the first time in 3 or 4 years I was able to rename my computer “Cheese” again. You know, as in “BEHOLD THE POWER OF CHEESE.” I’ve always called my new kick ass computers… Cheese.

I lug my loot back to the house. I went to the show to get my brothers machine up and running, so I put my stuff off to the side and started on restoring his box.

I proceeded to work on that god damn computer for the next 36 hours. Just couldn’t get it to run stably. It worked most of the time, but games always crashed. I drove all the way out to CompUSA twice for that damn machine. I replaced EVERYTHING in it except the MB and Video card. I installed Windows 2000 three times. I went to my office in the middle of the night to get a Windows XP install disk (no Microsoft, I only wanted it as a test. I didn’t activate it). I flashed the freaking bios. DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH FUN IT IS TO GET A FLOPPY DRIVE WORKING AND FIND A WORKING FLOPPY DISK? No fun. None at all.

In the off times, while I waited for a format or a download to complete, I pieced my machine together. There was a period of a few minutes when I actually felt sick when my new box wouldn’t POST. All that money and something was dead and the Russians I bought most of it from were on their way back to New York. Luckily I realized I put a stick of RAM in the wrong bank.

But I wouldn’t play with my machine until this other one was working. For a time, I had a couple of games playing. Playing ok. Then the crashes started. I just stared at that stupid case for hours. I really felt freaking depressed. WHY wouldn’t you work? Even fell asleep on the floor next to it for a while. I think I must have some form of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I just couldn’t stand it not working.

My brother came by last night. After discussing his options, I think we are going to buy a new CPU and MB. Return the RAM I bought and use that money to by new RAM. I just think his new video card is a little much for that old motherboard.

So with that little bit of closure I went upstairs to mess around with my new machine. This is the reason I started this post. This was my main point, the only idea I wanted to get accross. I can sum it up in one sentence.

Half Life 2 is really scary.


Friday, July 07, 2006

Man Threatened With Jail for Telling Truth

Judges and prosecutors have too much power - and what's that ol' expression about power corrupting?

Militzer carefully avoided a bold "I'm sorry" by saying he regretted that the court took offense at the words "bullshit money grab" on the memo portion of the $10 check and agreed to write a fresh check.

In exchange, Berkley District Judge William Sauer said Wednesday he would dismiss the order asking Militzer to explain why he shouldn't be held in contempt of court.

A case that was shaping up to be a boilerplate test of freedom of speech rights ended when Militzer of Allen Park stiffly walked to the cashier's window at the courthouse in his dark blue suitcoat and tie, accompanied by his American Civil Liberties Union attorney.

"I was ticked at the circumstances around getting the ticket. If that was perceived as a direct affront to them, that was never my initial intent," he later said, contritely. Militzer added that he didn't want to be subject to court costs and fines and maybe even jail time -- he could have faced 30 days in jail or $250, so he let it go.

That seems like a blatant violation of the 1st Amendment. Moreover, Contempt? The guy wasn't even in court or under oath. He wrote it on a check. The judge is an idiot and an asshole, what would he have done if the guy had sent a separate letter of protest along with his check. It's clearly political speech. That judge should be lynched (ok, but shouldn't he have to undergo somekind of sensitivity training). Even if his order could legally be upheld, his failure to let it go makes him a bad person.

Also, the guy is absolutely correct. The way that traffic and parking laws are designed and implemented make little sense if the point is safety or convenience. They make a ton of sense if you believe, as I do, that their primary purpose is to generate revenue.

Kid Handsome

Link via: The Agitator

Thursday, July 06, 2006

Too Many Prosecutors / Too Much Regulatory Law

Seriously, conducting a sting on an Amish farmer because he gave away raw milk (after which, the undercover agent gave him $2.00).

Why do we have so many stupid laws?

Screw it. I'd say to ask Thomas Jefferson, but even 2 days after the day of his death and our nations independence, our country cannot be bothered to listen to him.

Kid H.

Who Needs to go to the Keys - When they could have this?

The ultimate in fake Palm tree hammocks. Put one in your yard, put on a CD of waves breaking, spread around a little sand and . . . . Actually, don't do any of that.

It will either:

A. Work - and self-delusion on that level can't be healthy; or,

B. Not Work - which will piss you off no end.

Still, can't blame people for trying.

Kid H.

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Word Problem - Take Your Time

You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your left side is a valley and on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you. In front of you is a galloping pig which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it. Behind you is a helicopter flying at ground level. Both the giant pig and the helicopter are also traveling at the same speed as you.

Q. What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?


Get off the children's "Merry-Go-Round", you're drunk!

Kid Handsome